Not a lot of people get along with their mothers.
ESPECIALLY if those people are Asian. And female. And an only child.
A
lifelong process of trying to impress my mother and get her to even
come close to saying that she is proud of me has drained me constantly.
I've always felt like a leaking faucet that always resulted in a HUGE
water bill that totally kicked my butt over and over again. But do I
ever get to fix it? No, because I am not a plumber and I simply cannot
afford to hire one. Therefore it goes... drip drip drip drip. Funny thing is, I've gotten used to it.
You
know how there might be a discreet, repetitive sound that just drives
you up the wall at first? Like a clock ticking, a fan whirring, those
uncontrollable high-pitched sounds that you hear in one ear and can't
quite get rid of, or in my case in point... a faucet dripping? But
after some time, it becomes normal; a routine that you somehow and
someway accept into your daily rituals. Soon enough, it becomes a part of you.
This
is how I feel with my mother. For years and years of her nagging and
her constant displeasure with how I live my life, I have become used to
it. Every day that I speak to her on the phone or see her, I already
expect her to shoot flames at me in hopes of "humbling" me or even
"educating" me, like she puts it. The armor that I have to heave myself
into and take myself out of afterwards lays heavy, but it is something
that like many things in my life, I have just "gotten used to."
It's
sad when you see Christians fall into a Sunday routine of going to
church, going to lunch, going home, then starting a whole week of
work/school that is so mundane and lifeless. It is so easy for us to fall into a schedule that is almost militant, yet we march to the beat without any change. We complain, yes. But do we really make changes? No.
I feel like a coward
not making any changes with my mother. I should, but I absolutely don't
know how. This battle that has lasted since my childhood is something
that is so deeply embedded in me, I have lost all conviction to make a
change.
Imagine
God's position of trying to teach us things or even save His children
who have not come to their senses yet. Better yet, imagine God trying
to use US as instruments to raise His kingdom or even trying to call to
us with open arms.... waiting for us to DO something. But we've become
so fixated with routine and monotony. We've become COMFORTABLE with our unchanging lives. The only thing unchanging in our lives should be GOD'S PRESENCE, HIS LOVE.
I know I'm desperate for change. I know things need to be done.
But the question remains of WHEN I will make the leap and not be so afraid of shattering my comfortable, unsurprising life.
What change will YOU make...
Tomorrow?
This week?
This month?
This year?
This lifetime?
Comments (2)
You do know how to put it out bluntly, don'tcha? This is a good post and really, yes it is true. We all are so used to our daily routine that probably even started since childhood, and whenever small thing comes in to throw us off track, it gets confusing.
And I agree, one thing that remains should be God's presnece!! I enjoy reading your blog.
My mother is also an only child. She and her mother don't get along, either. I have been more of an only child IN the house since I was 12, she and I don't get along, either.
The only thing you should be trying, is being who you are. Your mother is who she is, you cannot CHANGE her. Therefore, accept her as who she is, even if she doesn't accept you.
Like God. He accept you regardless. We cannot change God. Chin up, girl. ~[c:
I don't know what else to say other than I feel the same way you do. =T