caroline's Revelife

Living a PAULished Life

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:52:50 GMT

There is something about the book of Philippians that infuses within me a desire to transform myself into a brand new person, but in the Cinderella style where with the flick of a wand, pumpkins turn into carriages. But since we don’t live in an era where wands do things like that and Caroline can’t stand the sight and smell of pumpkins, we’ll stick to the baby steps approach. :)

From Philippians 4:10 and onward, Paul describes that he has learned to “be content whatever the circumstances” (4:11). What makes this ten times more amazing is that Paul has been through tortures and drama that we would never imagine possible in one little person. But through all this, he still has the guts and nerve to say that he is content? Only someone so truly in-tune with the Lord’s heart can say something like that or endure through things the way Paul did.

This leads me to examine gifts that God has placed in each of us. There are definitely many instances which makes us crumble a little inside, especially when it has to do with our reputation, our talents, and everything that creates the image which others see us as. But in the midst of all this, the most important aspect is the value that we see ourselves in. I serve on the worship team here at NOC, and singing has been one of the very few things that really uplifts me and positions me closer to God. I love it so much, but what hinders me often is the knowledge that someone will always be better than me at singing, someone will always inspire more, and someone will always be appreciated more. But can this someone top the way I feel on stage and off when I’m pouring out my heart to the Father and singing as freely as one would in the shower? The overwhelming sense of euphoric otherworldliness is never comparable nor exchangeable, and that is one thing that I can own with my complete soul and heart. I want to do my part, because God created me to do that part which I am the perfect puzzle piece for. I hope with all my heart that you feel that way too, reader, whenever you partake in any duty as a mother with two kids, a working professional in a cubicle, a weary pastor, or even someone from a broken family. Even as you serve in a certain ministry at church behind-the-scenes or upfront, you are the perfect choice for your task, because God made it so.

Isn’t the simple fact that we are alive and thriving enough to grant us the satisfaction of knowing that God wanted us to be alive and thriving? He chose each of us to be who we are, and that is personally enough for me to feel a connection with the Maker, the Creator of all things. Paul boldly states in verse thirteen that he can do EVERYTHING through God who gives him strength. How confident are we in God that we know that anything really is possible with Him? How content are we in our gifts given to us specifically by God that we know that we are already at our best and He just wants us to realize and utilize that?

If you ever feel discouraged and defeated from the pressures of the earth to work harder, be faster, stronger (remind you of a certain song?), better looking or more improved in general, read Paul’s words in Philippians. This man has been through it all, yet ultimately in the end, he rejoices GREATLY in the Lord.

Our bodies will decay, our lives will ultimately end… but the love of Christ is eternal, our souls are shining lights, and we are worth so much to the One who matters.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sat, 17 May 2008 02:48:29 GMT

Not a lot of people get along with their mothers.

ESPECIALLY if those people are Asian. And female. And an only child.

A lifelong process of trying to impress my mother and get her to even come close to saying that she is proud of me has drained me constantly. I've always felt like a leaking faucet that always resulted in a HUGE water bill that totally kicked my butt over and over again. But do I ever get to fix it? No, because I am not a plumber and I simply cannot afford to hire one. Therefore it goes... drip drip drip drip. Funny thing is, I've gotten used to it.

You know how there might be a discreet, repetitive sound that just drives you up the wall at first? Like a clock ticking, a fan whirring, those uncontrollable high-pitched sounds that you hear in one ear and can't quite get rid of, or in my case in point... a faucet dripping? But after some time, it becomes normal; a routine that you somehow and someway accept into your daily rituals. Soon enough, it becomes a part of you.

This is how I feel with my mother. For years and years of her nagging and her constant displeasure with how I live my life, I have become used to it. Every day that I speak to her on the phone or see her, I already expect her to shoot flames at me in hopes of "humbling" me or even "educating" me, like she puts it. The armor that I have to heave myself into and take myself out of afterwards lays heavy, but it is something that like many things in my life, I have just "gotten used to."

It's sad when you see Christians fall into a Sunday routine of going to church, going to lunch, going home, then starting a whole week of work/school that is so mundane and lifeless. It is so easy for us to fall into a schedule that is almost militant, yet we march to the beat without any change. We complain, yes. But do we really make changes? No.

I feel like a coward not making any changes with my mother. I should, but I absolutely don't know how. This battle that has lasted since my childhood is something that is so deeply embedded in me, I have lost all conviction to make a change.

Imagine God's position of trying to teach us things or even save His children who have not come to their senses yet. Better yet, imagine God trying to use US as instruments to raise His kingdom or even trying to call to us with open arms.... waiting for us to DO something. But we've become so fixated with routine and monotony. We've become COMFORTABLE with our unchanging lives. The only thing unchanging in our lives should be GOD'S PRESENCE, HIS LOVE.

I know I'm desperate for change. I know things need to be done.
But the question remains of WHEN I will make the leap and not be so afraid of shattering my comfortable, unsurprising life.

What change will YOU make...
Tomorrow?
This week?
This month?
This year?
This lifetime?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 22:39:27 GMT

What does it mean to really let go and let God work in your life?

I've always struggled with this, because I consider myself to be a control freak who refuses to let go of the remote to the television of destiny. I realize the issue with a lot of people in trusting God is that they initially have absolutely no idea of what God is capable of and the power of His sufficiency. If we even knew a fraction of the absolute control that God possessed, why the heck do we need to worry?

I feel like there were many moments these past few months where God nudged me with his elbow and said, "Eh? Eh? I told you so, kid!" With the near incapacitation of a dear friend, the health of my earthly father, my uncertainties with church ministry, and newly blooming relationships, I have always been shown a blinding ray of sunshine that screamed signs of God's grace and plain goodness. Even in biblical times, the people SAW Jesus Christ with their own eyes, and they SAW Him perform all these awesome miracles. But even then, they crucified Him and dismissed Him as a crazy lunatic, a magician. And today, we SEE Jesus Christ through the deeds of others and in the beauty of the world, and we SEE miracles happening in the lives of our loved ones, our peers. But we still dismiss Him. What will it take for us to fully believe Him and believe IN Him? God must be freaking exhausted.

I am now in yet another crisis where consequences scare the bejeebus out of me. Life has greased up my hands and the remote is popping up away from them like those bad comedy scenes. Even with the small miracles that God has revealed in my life, did I trust Him with this situation? No. Rejected.

It's time to let go of the remote, me.
Time for Abba to control the remote of my own destiny.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:50:23 GMT

I'm a God-lovin' n00b! Show some love!